Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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