You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
