Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
