Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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