I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
