we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
