I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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