It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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