I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
