Need sex. Gaining weight.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
