Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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