i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
