She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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