goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
