it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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