well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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