You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
