Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
