There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
