he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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