y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
