You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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