I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
