I am spending my child support on dildos
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize