I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
