I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
