they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
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If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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