you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
