you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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