He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
