I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
