turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
