Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
