He passed out mid-signature
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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