Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
