What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you win again, gameday.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
