Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
