Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
