Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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