Have you finally orgasmed yet?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
