i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
