I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
