know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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