DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
