my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i dont even know how to be here
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
