ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
