I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
