And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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