Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
