i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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