I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
