Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
