He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
