if i can run in heels then i can drive
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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