Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
