never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
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or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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