i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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