Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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