drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
