Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
