so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My bed smells like the plague
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
