i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
