i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Randomize
