I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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