every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The beer is more important than you right now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
