Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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