I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
