I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
