can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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