It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
