Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
