I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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