I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
