party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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