What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
