did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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