do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
