how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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