airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
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The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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