watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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