dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
