I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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