i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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