we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Panties = found
Randomize
